Saturday, June 26, 2010

Sustenance: We're All Cannibals

As the hour draws closer to the commencement of my BRA tour, on which I will chase the elusive burrito of literary success, I find myself deeply immersed in preparation. Primarily, this preparation involves "curating" my BRA tour bicycle, which I am turning into a sort of "DIY" coupled bike via judicious application of hacksaw and hose clamps. This is harder than it sounds, because I also have to allow for my handlebar-mounted live lobster tank, so that I may pay obeisance to the Holy Crustacean while in motion, as is central to my faith.
The first stop of my BRA tour will be Mellow Johnny's bicycular shoppe in Austin, TX on Wednesday, June 16th. I've visited Austin before, and while I found it to be disgustingly hot I also found this heat was mitigated by a naked dip in Barton Springs, followed by a refreshing 48 hours of court-mandated detox following my arrest for indecent exposure. I was also moved by Mellow Johnny's brand of Texas hospitality, which is the good kind (graciousness) and not the bad kind (shooting you with big guns), and a look at their itinerary shows just how far they're going for my visit:

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